So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members


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Spouse and Family Support Guide

Does dad stay at the office until all hours to avoid family discussions? These and other situations create havoc in families and bring about dread in advance of family gatherings.


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Family and friends endure tremendous pain when loved ones suffer with addiction and other disorders, yet having a supportive network is an integral part of the recovery process. There are things you can do to help these difficult situations move toward a positive outcome. Using the mother as the example, here are some tips on how to handle a family member with an addiction. Perhaps you are the family member who has taken responsibility to help your mother stop drinking.

The first step would be to share your observations with other family members and friends to determine how they view the situation. If other family members agree there is a problem, prepare in advance of talking to your mom.


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Contact a substance abuse counselor, mental health practitioner, physician, employee assistance program, guidance counselor, clergy, or other qualified professional to help you. Establish a time to talk with your mom when the two of you can have more than a few minutes alone. Consider employing conscious communication techniques. Be prepared to state your observations. You have feelings that stem from needs you have that are not being met. Therefore, calmly share your feelings and needs.

When you meet, tell your mom that you care for her.

Emphasize that it is concern for her well-being that has led you to this conversation. What you can expect is denial, distortion, avoidance, rationalization, and intellectualization of the problem from your mom. This conversation might be the first time she has thought about this problem. If your mother states that there is definitely not a problem, ask to talk again at some point in the future. Your goal is not to convince her there is a problem, but to let her know that you believe there is one and that your belief is based on observable behaviors.

If your mother is willing, you might suggest the idea of treatment or counseling to help her overcome her dependence on alcohol. Formal treatment takes many forms, and no one type of treatment is best for everyone. There are many roads to recovery. Robin suggests to separate psychologically the addict from the addiction and the substance that changed our beloved person so badly. For a non-addict it's tremendously difficult to imagine the world and the situation lived by the addict.

An addict for buying drug and alcohol can lie, can steal. The author is clear: a lack of substance in the body of an addict is like lack of food in a body of a normal person. You would start to be nervous, you would search desperately for food. Same is for the addict and the substance able to calm down his nerves.

There are various typologies of addicts. One of them are the functional addicts. People who think that their life, because they continue to work, and they're productive is normal. Keeping up appearances can be, says the author, another signal and symptom of the disease.

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An addict will tend to focus on what is being done to them and not by them. An addict can experience broken relationships, financial problems, legal troubles, consequences of his addiction. Problem is, affirms the author that there are two people in an addict and inside an addict: they know the damage alcohol or drug cause to them but they can't stop it.

What a relative and a friend of an addict should do? Fight the addiction not the addict, and this one is a first and important, crucial separation indispensable for winning these horrible substances. Problem is, says Robin that more a person love an addict, more will protect him and his addiction. Manipulation is something very well known from addicts with people of their family and with friends for keeping cheerful the addiction.

There are people who will feed this addiction as well. Maybe people with which this man, the addict one will drink together at the bar. These ones won't want to interrupt the addiction of the man in particular if he offers wine generously to them, not addicted. All the family members will play also a role in this addiction game.

HOW TO—Set Boundaries when a Loved One has an Addiction

It will be important for the members of the family to build a better relationship and change the way they communicate with the addict. Addicts can't control their behaviors. A dangerous myth says the author is that only the addict can save himself from his addiction. In part it is true but a big role can be played also by people around him. Where grows up addiction? Are there best places for nurturing and developing it?

Transform your relationship with an addicted partner or family member.

Of course: in an environment populated by shame, secrets and shadows. In the light of sun an addiction wouldn't live a long life. Relatives of the addict shouldn't tell him of stopping to drink everything. It's important to play a good and solid psychological role when we are in their company. It is also important to choose the best words to say at an addict.

An advice from the author: the silence must be broken and later ask for advices. Very good advices, from doctors, psychologists, etc. Let's remember says the author that an addiction is a progressive disease, mental and physical. And be careful says the author when an addict ask for help.

Being liars they can have a double face. And then the author treats the detoxification from alcohol, etc. This one the step more hated by the addict for the sad collateral effects. Sure the collateral effects of the abstinence are many: palpitations, nausea, insomnia etc. The detoxification of an alcoholist is always risky because of the so-called seizures, delirium tremens.

Benzodiazepines the Zanax a lot of people use largely could give at first seizures once interrupted abruptly like also barbiturate. Opiates in comparisons are less dangerous in the phase of the detox. Then the author treats the chapter of the structures that can cure your loved one very well.

A good structure where he can remains for a long time followed by excellent people is the best option. The so-called rehab can't do anything in the short time according to the author. Addiction grow up in places of silence and secrecy creating shame, guilt and often misunderstanding. Break this chain and set yourself and your dear one free again! The author suggests to keep a journal for your peace of mind and for reminding you that when you will start to want to change the situation for your loved one, you can do that.

Good Luck! I thank Netgalley for this informative book. Sep 22, Heatherlyn rated it it was amazing. This straight forward guide to dealing with facets of addiction is invaluable. Sections in communication, explaining different programs and how to foster a loving relationship with firm boundaries were excellent. Aug 12, Lael rated it really liked it.

The best book on addiction I've read in 5 years of reading about the subject. Straightforward, clear, positive, empowering , realistic and honest. I especially appreciated the exercises for reflection. This book is awesome.

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As I was reading the book, it was as if I as the one writing the book. Aug 09, Robs rated it liked it. Another informative book or a sad topic.

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Its a great and very informative read. I highly recommend with anyone dealing with friends or family who are battling alcoholism. Aug 19, Joyce rated it liked it Shelves: substance-abuse. Highly recommended for anyone struggling with a loved one with a substance use disorder. Easy to digest, offers practical guidelines and advice. Mar 29, Kevin Acton rated it really liked it. Very informative and currently applicable. Mark frankel rated it it was amazing Jan 01, Renee Carol rated it really liked it Apr 10, Rya rated it really liked it Jan 11, Vickar rated it it was amazing Feb 08, Annette rated it did not like it Feb 23, Hana rated it really liked it Dec 15, Midge rated it really liked it Apr 21, Emily rated it it was amazing Mar 25, Lisa Giesick rated it it was amazing Aug 31, Kat H rated it liked it Oct 11,

So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members
So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members
So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members
So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members
So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members So, Youre Living With An Addict: A Practical Guide For Family Members

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